They know...

My hats off to all the working "outside the home” moms out there! Its a tough one isn’t it?

Some do it because they want to and others because they have to, but at the end of the day its still challenging. We are all trying to be the best moms that we can and see that our kids feel loved, cared for, appreciated, important and the priority of our lives. Maybe some nights our kids eat cereal for dinner, or they go to school in a wrinkly uniform, or heaven forbid their hair has not been brushed out that day or even for a few days, but they are happy. And you can see that they are loved and cared for. That is the end goal. 

Loved children. 

I had a crazy busy day Friday. I had to be at the school for a sports day function for Grace. 

I managed my schedule to the very minute for the entire day. 

I rushed from dropping them off at school at 7:15, to the gym, to home to get ready, stopped by work for 10 minutes to make sure the day started ok, had them conveniently make me a mmEGGn bacon and a tea to go, got to the school stood on the sidelines of the field with about 75 other parents in the cold wind finishing my breakfast feeling like a soccer mom at that point! I enjoyed seeing Grace’s face light up when she saw me there and then chatted with her while she and her class were waiting for her events. My heart smiled as I saw Ian during his break time go over to see her and she gave him the biggest, jump into his arms as he picks me up hug. It was like the best-est big brother scene ever from the movies...I coordinated with him if he could be there to watch her event later in the morning as I had to then rush for a big meeting with the main grocery store in Zambia but not before stopping home to change into appropriate “office wear”. 

I got to the meeting and he was late. I was frustrated because I knew I was on a time limit. He walked in about 15-20 minutes later and said something about my vehicle being in the wrong parking spot and they were going to clamp it. Well nice to see you too...I asked if I should go move it and then he said no, you will only be here a few minutes.  (Kind of sounds like bad news). He asked if I had a price listing with me and I didn’t. As I was rushing to the meeting I figured its better to be on time and then email him the needed info later than to be late and have him waiting on me. Thankfully as soon as we sat down the meeting went very well and we could have a significant amount of business from them (Shoprite) as well in the near future.He was interested in several other products and not just the chips and salsa that I had come for.  When we finished the meeting I bolted out of the door hoping not to find my vehicle clamped as I did in town a few weeks ago because I very stupidly listened to the street vendor who told me, “here park behind these parked cars here because they wont be coming out”... lunch hour, only to come back 30 minutes later with a car owner waiting for me and my vehicle clamped, and the city council representative clearly unaware that this woman was about to go off!, as a street guy opened my locked trunk of the car looking to steal something as I was standing in the front of the car. He then ran away. Meanwhile the guy that “helped me park” and wasn’t there to keep my car from being clamped shows up at the window expecting to be paid. Are you kidding me? you told me to park here, Im getting fined literally at this very moment and you are asking Me for money?!

                                      AHH  town, I hate you, you cursed place! 

BUT,  thankfully this was not the case Friday. So I jumped in, sped out of the parking lot and headed back to the school. We live a 2 minutes drive from the school. So I came to the T in the road and made a split second decision, NOT to run home and change back into the soccer mom clothes. I made a bee line for the school.  Now usually these school functions, in the way that they do them here are about 30% adorable and isn’t this so cool we live in Africa and this is how they do it here, and 70% down right frustrating. The agonizingly long speeches and waiting for guests of honor to arrive and delayed starting times, and delayed ending times and disorganization and delayed starting times and delayed ending times...I could go on and on, as it seems the functions do... BUT, this one was different. I hopped out of the car, found Ian who gave me the report that he had seen her first event, the kitchen party race, and she did well and as soon as I arrived I saw her walking up with her group to do the running relay race. P-E-R-F-E-C-T timing!!  That was totally the Lord’s blessing. I then saw her run and beat  her opponents and her group won the relay, and I was there at the finish line. Then I was there for the rest of her events.  We finished there at the school, I stopped by work, tried to fix a problem that has arisen with the equipment, rushed the kids home to change clothes grab a sandwich for the drive in the car to meet their friends from youth group at the Finding Dory movie. Got there just in time, and then was able to enjoy the movie with the kids. Traffic on that side of town on a friday is horrendous. SO as soon as the movie was over we hurried to the car so we could drop the older kids at youth group, then get back across town to get home before the maid leaves at 5 and before the traffic comes to a stand still. The dryer repairman called on the way and he was waiting for the 5th time trying to fix our dryer at the house. I dropped the kids, checked on him not just on the progress of the dryer but he is TERRIFIED of the dogs. He will not come in unless we lock them up. SO he was ok, doing his thing and so I then went back over to the Cakery to check on things as they were closing.Our main piece of equipment for the tortilla chips is not working properly and so we have delayed with orders all week. I was hoping to find good news when I arrived, but the power had gone off for the afternoon. By the time I got back with leftover dinner from the new lunch menu that we started at work (so technically it would be leftover lunch for our dinner) I set it on the counter  told everyone make their own and went and got my pjs on and collapsed on the couch. James came home about 30 minutes later and made a lovely fire that we enjoyed with the 3 younger kids. 

I think my highlight from the day was at the school as I saw Grace walk up to the rope, she saw me again and started waving with a huge smile. I had made it. I was there. That’s what she needs, to know we are there. That’s what all our kids need. And not every time can we be there, and thats ok, and I’ve got to be OK with that. That’s the balance of teaching your kids that you are there for them at the same time teaching them that the world does not revolve around them.  A good dose of Life. But the pattern and the expectation is Mom will be there.  And Just as I remember getting home from school even in high school and mom was waiting for me with a snack sometimes to ask about my day, I try  to be there for my kids when they get home Even if it’s a snack at the cakery on the way home because I have to stop in, or the chatting about the day on the way home from school as I drop them at home while I run back out to the grocery store or to drive off to piano lessons. 

We are doing what we can. I loved staying home with my kids for 17 years. I wouldn’t trade that or miss that for anything! It was HARD work. And it WAS work. But, Now I am working outside the home as well and even though I am making my own schedule and the kids are in school, its different. It is HARD WORK. Stress, and tired, but its good. Hopefully its not an indefinite thing, and when things settle down a bit I can be mostly part time, or quarter time but either way I need to keep my focus that the end goal is for my kids to know they are loved. And that is what our kids will remember, so at the end of the day when I’m worn out and worried if I am being as good of a mom as I used to be, if I remembered to do all the “mom” mom things today, I can tuck them in at night -because Thank God they all still don’t mind me coming round to say good night- and know that without a doubt these kids know they are loved!