What it looks like

A few months ago, after James sat down from his preaching at LGWM and everyone said their Amens, Pastor Phiri looked at me and asked me to say something to the church. He said he was asking me because I was "enduring" as he put it, so many things over the weeks trying to help them. 

I smiled, thinking “enduring” is a word I would use for someone that is having a hard time.  Life’s just rough at the moment, their circumstances are hard and all they can do is “endure”. I feel like it is a word that needs to be reserved for something important, real hardships...lump it in with hanging on by a thread, and then you pretty much have my understanding of “you’re enduring”. 

I prepared to speak, but in the back of my mind I pictured many other people and families enduring right now...But what he was referring to, was one day when I came out to his church to get supplies for building materials. We were driving around and had to check on prices at several different places downtown and had to heckle with people even over parking places and prices of items. We went to Buseko and had to walk through the mud and rocks to the builder, and as Phiri said, I had insults being said to me. On that one I knew in general  when people are saying things, but I don’t know specifics because they always say things in Nyanja - most likely just inappropriate things which were more embarrassing for the guys with me than it was for me because I didn't know what they were saying. We then had to go back to the other side of town talking to a few different welders about a gate for the church property. 

It was just a long day. 

So I stood up and told them that it is funny he mentioned those things because after that day as we were driving around and the air conditioning wasn't working in the car and it was dusty and hot and I was hungry. (Because those last 2 always factor into the comfort scale!)  I was thinking to myself, THIS is what helping orphans and needy people is like. It’s not the stuff that makes it into the tv commercials or advertisements about orphan care. It typically doesn’t even come up in the letters written home to supporters. 

What helping people looks like is...

Doing what needs to be done, no matter what it is or how comfortable it is.

It’s sweatiness. 

It’s smells...lot’s of smells

It’s dust

It’s heat

It’s complaints and being taken advantage 

It’s being expected to just give handout after handout. 

It’s finding the balance between helping and empowering someone to do for themselves and giving them a gift and doing for them. 

It’s rarely sitting on the floor on a carpet or chitenge with needy children circled around you and gathered in your arms reading books and singing songs... ( insert pictures of flowers in your hair and laughter all around - if this was the case this would be my favorite part!)  

It’s disappointment and heartbreak when kids drop out of school for what they think is a “better life” only to come back years later knowing they made a mistake.

It’s wrestling through what to do when a girl gets pregnant and their own family couldn’t even provide enough food for them to eat or pay for their education and now this “child” is going to have a baby. 

Helping looks like, caring more about other people than your own comforts. 

So I told the people gathered in the church that day,

Sometimes we may have our own ideas of what we want to do to serve God.

But it doesn’t always work out that way.  

Many times it looks totally different because it is not exactly what God wants from us. 

So hot long days running around with what may seem like pointless errands and tasks, keeping up with receipts and money might be exactly what helping people looks like. 

We have to be open to whatever it is, even or maybe I should say, especially when it isn't what our own expectations were... 

What helping people looks like is... a willing heart, to do anything that needs to be done, for others. And when our heart is willing, and when we are thinking of others, the personally inconvenient and uncomfortable parts don’t even matter and can't even be said to have been "endured". 

*This post is from several months ago that I just now got around to writing. 

Look for the next post soon on more “exciting” / “upbeat”  encouraging news of what helping is also like...  But you had to first read this one and experience it with me this way, before the other.  :)

Empowering women one cup at a time!

Alright ladies! The day has come for me to tell you about something.

(and gentlemen...stick with me till the end and you too can help females in need!) 

Last year I received the best and most unusual gift from a friend. No warning, it just showed up with all my amazon purchases and I thought what is this thing? 

A menstrual cup!

She swore by it being a life changing thing. I was skeptical until I tried and heeded the warning that there IS a learning curve. I committed to trying it 3 months before I gave up on it.  After the second month I was already singing it’s praises. Seriously, it is one of the best products that I have ever tried. And it has changed my life. I never would have bought it, I would have been too squeemish (even after having 5 kids), and I even humbly need to ask my cousins pardon as about 20 years ago when she mentioned something about one I thought “oh the horrors!”  “how? what? why on earth?”  But, it is extremely practical. and not to mention much more environmentally friendly.  And for living in Africa, it has been an amazing help. Where has this been all my adult female life?!  

 I HIGHLY recommend the product. Like 5+ stars! 

But enough about me. Sure I wanted to tell you about something life changing but more than that, I want to be able to help other women. So, I bought a couple of the cups to give to my friends here, along with some re-useable washable bamboo pads. I wanted to see if they could grasp the concept and test out the products and see if they thought they would be a help so that we could help women and girls. Getting your monthly cycle here for many of the women and girls in poverty is a debilitating thing. The girls will skip school for days as they have nothing more than strips of cloth bound together to catch their flow, and that can be very unreliable. Most girls and women have no extra money to be buying disposable pads. I have seen some NGO’s that receive shipments of donated pads to pass out. But after those run out then what?  So re-useable products are definitely the way to go. 

My dream / goal is to help “empower” women and girls by providing these products. 

So that they can go to school every day of the month. So that women can leave their home for a days work at the market or going in to town without worrying about the logistics and inconvenience of their cycle. For the young girls I want to get the re-useable pads and for the older girls and women, the menstrual cup.  So, here is the bottom line. I am asking for donations. I’d like to receive at least 20 of each product over the next few weeks so I can give them here around Christmas. We will then meet with the ladies and girls and have an opportunity to teach them about these products as well as hygiene. Very important. 

So please, Take 5 minutes and give someone a gift, that can literally change how they live their life. It’s that easy! 

Thank you!

Amazon.com

Choose the Diva Cup model 2  (menstrual cup)

https://www.amazon.com/Diva-Cup-Model-Menstrual/dp/B000FAG6XA/ref=sr_1_2_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1477338376&sr=1-2&keywords=diva+cup

                          OR

 a set of the Heart Felt Bamboo Re-useable pads

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00VJNPOTE/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Use our HOPE address for shipping

HOPE Kabanana

P.O. Box 204

Shannon, AL 35142

Happy (-ier)... or maybe its this thing called Joy.

Went out to Kabanana today. 

Life is once again put back in perspective. 

I’m happy (-ier)

Come to think of it now I prayed asking God that I would have joy today. 

On the dusty roads of kabanana driving past the medical clinic, past countless kids running and playing and carrying jugs of water, kids not in school, in ragged clothes near trash heaps;  I found joy. 

The last 3 months have been tiring and stressful with work, and emotional and wearisome with home life.  As we were preparing to send off our first born back to the USA for college we had lots of things we wanted to do one last time in Zambia and many things to do upon arriving in the States. 

She arrived with 2 suitcases of all of her belongings and then we shopped and shopped every day for about a week. Shoes, clothes, everything for her dorm and her new life on her own. Then we had orientation and getting acquainted with her university. 

She settled in and then I shopped and shopped some more for the next week for everyone else in the family. Over the last 6 years many more things, clothes, etc are found at the stores here, but the quality on many items are not that good and the good quality items that are here are much more costly then things in the States. But either way, its nice to get new things from America. So every trip home includes shopping till we drop as my Dad says. My mom was a good shopping buddy when Sarah moved into the dorm. 

Jet lag hit me much harder this time around taking about 2 weeks on each end to get over it. I did the long nonstop 17 hour flight straight from Johannesburg to Atlanta. I think that made the difference, Im sure it has nothing to do with age. :) 

A few weeks before I was to leave the Cakery in the capable hands of my manager I found out he was lying and stealing from me. Taking stock but also stealing invoices to be writing receipts for customers and pocketing the money. I was quite upset and distraught, and I can’t forget...CLEARLY mad at him. 

I had been training another qualified guy that has been working part time for me this whole year and had anticipated him coming on board full time, and could essentially take on the management role. Unfortunately he was not able to commit full time and so I was leaving work for a month not able to trust anyone there. That was stressful. 

Thankfully the kids were on school break and I gave a crash course to Ian (seriously crash...like threw all the info at him over a period of just 2 days ) and between him and the other guy working part time it survived while I was gone and even had a better month of sales with me away!  I was impressed. 

The kids are back to school now so I am still needing to find someone to manage because I have too much to do for life to be tied to a 7am-4pm  job every day~~~ that thought and reality; that stresses me. 

How can I run a business AND be the manager of that business AND raise 5 kids now (sniff sniff..tear drop!) AND try to be supportive to my husband who is also running a business AND run an orphan ministry AND try to do all of that while being cheerful and joyful?!?!  

BUT, as I digress I am becoming more stressed and less joyful, so back to Kabanana...

We’ve been making a transition the last few months and throughout the end of this year with the kids we are helping.  We started HOPE Kabanana and partnered with a small church planting work (Faith Baptist Church) in Kabanana that had no building and no program and developed for them a complete orphan care program.  Through the donations and organization of the LION of Zambia supported by churches in America we built buildings and facilities, a resource room with tables and chairs, etc for the kids to use as well as a kitchen and outfitted it with all the appliances and cabinets and counters needed to begin our feeding program. Once HOPE Kabanana became a registered NGO charity and no longer affiliated with a specific church we continued the work with the kids in Kabanana. 

Over the past year, we have had opportunities to help another church Living Gospel World Mission (LGWM) that has for several years now been taking care of orphans on their own without any outside help. They are already trying to feed the kids and give them an education. However humanly speaking they have nothing. The pastor has no real salary because only 2 of the church members have employment. The building they have been using is literally falling down with the rainy season. They built the building with every church member bringing a brick with them each sunday.  They have no funds for books or teachers or pencils or uniforms etc. There is no monthly income to fund any of this but the Pastor is living by faith. Reminds me of George Muller. ( If you don’t know who he is read his biography...definitely had a heart for helping the children and vulnerable people!) 

So we want to see their orphan care program develop and get established and grow just as we did with the one in Kabanana. We have moved now to caring just for the secondary school kids in Kabanana so that we can free up some time and funds to begin helping the LGWM. Our support for the orphan ministry program has reduced over the years and so we wanted to make the most impact with the funds that we have available. It was a decision we thought through and prayed through and felt that the timing was right to make the transition. 

However in doing so, we didn’t know exactly what would happen with the other half of the kids we were no longer continuing with in our HOPEKabanana program.  We were hopeful that Faith Baptist Church, no longer a plant but a solid church standing on its own with buildings as well as contacts outside of Lusaka, would be able to care for the remaining children. They run the school that the elementary kids attend and so it would naturally be a place of opportunity to minister to them. 

The kids have gotten quite used to the daily meals that were provided through HOPEKabanana and I have been concerned wether or not they would continue to receive a good meal every day. So,  when I was meeting with Maureen ( the one remaining staff member for our NGO) I heard the news that those kids had been sponsored for the meal program and donations from a  different NGO that runs a feeding program have been secured by Faith Baptist Church for up to one year!  

The kids are currently still attending the church school and they are being fed. 

My heart rejoiced!  

God moves upon hearts. He starts things, projects and programs based upon desires of our hearts and being open to the needs around us and then He also redirects things as time goes on. Changing focus, changing the scope, moving on to help others who are more in need at the time or maybe even just others who have a different need. 

And we can put our hands in, to play a part in helping others. 

That truly does bring joy. Not necessarily happiness, that seems based more on our circumstances - and that often doesn’t feel happy.

But Joy I find comes from the heart most easily when you are helping others in need. 

SO are you feeling discouraged, cynical, overworked, overstressed, blah in life?

Go and help someone in need! 

*PS

I marvel at the Lord’s timing just now as I write this. 

This morning, Monday morning I hugged James and trudged off to drop the kids at school and said downcast,  ‘I’m not even sure what I’m doing with my life.’  Just a discouraged statement. Not that I truly have no clue what I am doing with life, but just feeling blah on a Monday morning. 

Then I found some joy. :) 

Sunday Drives

Sundays are about the only time of the week the whole family rides in the car together. When we moved to Africa we sold our spacious 12 passenger mega van and bought a land cruiser here that has seat belts to safely carry 8 people. (I say that because I am sure we have carried up to 12 people in the car on several occasions, simply because we needed to give other people a ride.) Gone were the days of each child having enough space between them and the other kid in the car. AT least a whole empty seat in the middle, or leg room to climb into the back seats and sit comfortably and be able to have your whole set up; which consisted of the activity bag, snacks, drinks, books, coloring, dvd players for those cross country drives, wet wipes, sanitizer, extra changes of clothes in the back of the car “just in case”, etc etc. 

Over the years as the kids have grown the car has gotten squishier and squishier. 3 teenagers sitting in the middle row with no leg room and water bottles, bibles and notebooks piled up high on their laps makes for some “close” times together. Add to that no air conditioning in the car the last couple of months and things can get a little ‘heated.’ 

But sometimes amidst the noise and irritations, he’s touching me, tell her to stop talking...there are sweet times together. Singing, listening to each other tell jokes, pointing out funny signs on the back of the mini-buses and around town, and playing “corners” (the British equivalent of sliding over and squishing the person next to you when you turn the corner.) I’m certain there is a different name for that in the States. I think in the South its called a COD curve - come over darling!  

So the kids have come up with a new game. Similar to the “punch buggy”- When you see a VW bug driving around then you punch the person next to you in the car. Remember that?! 

It’s called Cracker Slap.  

Yep. You heard right. 

The kids see a white person walking when we are driving and they all shout out cracker slap and slap each other. 

And it is hilarious! 

I don't know if this came out of the "if you can't beat them join them mentality" -as everywhere we go muzungu, muzungu is shouted out (white person, white person). But, after a few initial tries of Grace trying to slap everyone else in the car the kids had to update the rules that it doesn’t apply to each other. 

It reminds me of the fact that you gotta not take yourself so seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself. :)  

Mid Year update on Life- Panono Panono

(I wrote this post in the dark on a Saturday night a few weeks ago)

Jackson and Caleb are outside camping tonight in their new tent with James. When their new tent arrived it had a flyer in it saying when National Campout day was, so here in the Southern Hemisphere it was still celebrated. The power is off, its dark outside and its dark inside. 

And life is continuing on here in Zambia. 

Panono panono 

We’ve had quite a start to the year. In February we took a family vacation to the Indian Ocean at a beach north of Dar Es Salam in Tanzania. Both James and I have felt like we are plugging along in our jobs and businesses trying our hardest to make it, so the family vacation was a much needed rest. However just a few hours before going to the airport we realized that the bike James got for Christmas, the one that I bought him with my “own” money from the Cakery,  had been stolen right off the back porch. The very bike that he wanted but we knew we didn’t have enough money to buy it within our budget, so I managed to pay myself that month from work and totally surprised him. (which is quite rare in our married life. In regards to gifts for him, I think the other time I totally surprised him is when I planned a trip to Jamaica and then told him just the week before we were leaving.) I was so sad I think I even cried. But at that point I just didn’t care. We got on the plane and left for our vacation. We had a really nice time with the kids at the beach. The last 2 days a few of them started getting a cold, but that is par for the course when traveling as a family of 8. 

  

When we got back things kicked into even higher gear with work for James and myself. I just reread my post last year how I was going to try and slow it down a bit, but that hasn’t happened AS much as I expected.  The other kids got back in the routine with school, piano lessons, homework, etc. Sarah worked hard and long hours and finished her school in the remaining months and applied for colleges and scholarships and was able to decide on Samford. She was down to the wire finishing her school online with Abeka Academy so that she would be included in this years graduating class. That was her main goal once she realized 2 years ago, graduating from the British Education System at the International School that for her best chance she would need to go back to the American school system and basically redo her last 2 years. So she accomplished her goal and we were and are very proud of her. 

We had a graduation celebration with her youth group. I looked through all the old pictures, and put a sweet video together (that I will have to upload when I get to America in August) and James wrote a sweet letter that he read to her. It was a nice evening, with a dinner celebration and friends. We left the 2 youngest kids home with a sitter for the evening. Literally as James was reading his letter, someone was breaking into our home at the exact time.  The 2nd robbery in the last 6 months after no problems whatsoever for 6 + years. The Sitter called me, scared and said they had gone, and they didn’t make it into the house but they used our broom and reached in through the bedroom window with bars on the windows and stole a laptop and phone. Later looking through the house we saw where they tried reaching though our bedroom window as well. It’s a scary feeling to be robbed, especially when you know that the thieves had to climb over a wall to get into the yard and the dogs were barking. We tried not to let it dampen the evening and had a campout in our room with most of the kids. In the morning James had to go to the police and I stayed home with the kids to make sure everyone was ok. It ended up being a sweet day of family time. There will be no victory for those thieves!  A few of the family members even prayed for them. 

James has had thefts at his workplace as well, laptops stolen and I had a group of guys break the lock on the gate to my Cakery and try to get in all the doors and windows. Thankfully they were not successful though it gave another scare and they even tried to come back afterwards to get in a second time. The crazy thing about our home robbery is we are almost sure someone was watching us leave and didn’t know the sitter remained because they came at 7:30 pm. Who breaks in at that hour? 

Anyway,  then 2 weeks ago James also had one of his delivery trucks stolen off of while it was slowing down to go through a small town in the early morning hours. People just jumped on it and threw packages off. It’s crazy. 

So, times are tough. The economy is still doing poorly, the dollar going back up after it settled around 10 kwacha to 1 dollar for a few months. And the even crazier thing is in the midst of it we are trying to build businesses. Businesses that depend on non existent electricity and broken down equipment with no one to repair or parts to be found in Zambia. We are still after 6 months trying to get parts for our dryer fixed. With the amount of laundry we have every single day this has been a struggle! 

Immigration has denied James his work permit twice now and they are on their last appeal. We are hopeful it will work out but on the “off” days its very hard to remain positive and focused. It is so arbitrary who they give work permits to and not. Yet they fail to see just in our one family, between James and I, we now employ 40 people. That’s jobs for 40 people. In a tanking economy. Not to mention even the orphans and vulnerable children that we have and continue to support. It would seem that is the type of people you want in your country. Not just handing out free money, but utilizing the resources here in Zambia and creating jobs and to use popular terminology - Empowering people. 

So we will see. We come home dog tired, enjoy time with the family, fall into bed to wake up and do it all over again. James keeps telling me it WILL pay off. I believe it and we are starting to see it but we both are at the 2 year breaking even point with our businesses. And patience is sometimes SO HARD. We put in long days and I want to see the financial pay out at the end of the month for sure. But its that Patience thing again... 

Panono panono 

I’ve realized one or more of my employees are “pilfering”  AKA stealing. And just because it seems culturally acceptable its still so annoying and frustrating! Tomatoes, Potatoes, Sugar, Toilet Paper...little things add up and I’ve just been finding this out more the last few weeks. I guess the bright side is that if I can get it back under control, then I should have decreased expenses.

These last 2 months with Sarah home I am employing her to help manage at the cakery, especially with the stock and money etc. Its been nice to have her at work with me, then Emma comes in the afternoon by the time I am going to pick up the other kids from school. For now the schedule is working, so we go with it. 

Elections are in about 6 weeks for the new President here in Zambia. Things are heating up as they usually do, it seems like an excuse to just act crazy and randomly fight with people leading up to the election. But Hey that sounds like what I am hearing come out of America too though?!   To be honest I wouldn’t want to be in America trying to choose a President at this point either. 

We have begun to start helping our friend Nsangu Phiri that I mentioned in earlier posts. And I just want to say thank you to those that were moved by the situation and have been supporting him and the work there. We have had the privilege to help with important building projects. First the borehole and then second was building a fence to secure the property of the church and school and we have also begun to start on a few more solid classrooms and the beginnings of a kitchen as well. Just last week they installed the gate and so now as he wrote me today, “the place now looks beautiful. Thank you so very much for what you are doing at the church and in my life”.  

I read that and am so thankful for the opportunity we have to help. It is generally not “our” money that is paying for those things. Its people, friends, family that are helping. He is a kind man but overly thankful, if that is possible. Its a fine line between genuine extreme thankfulness and gratefulness and flattery. And he treads the line carefully but he stays very close to that line...

James still preaches for his church every few months and has begun meeting with him just to encourage him and help give some direction as needed. We will go back out there in a couple weeks. 

We are preparing for Sarah’s leaving, though trying not to think too much about it. 

I started crying the other day when James and I were talking about planning to go somewhere with the family. I said “but Sarah won’t be here.” So we decided we could go in January when she is here for a few weeks. (James surely knows how to diffuse emotional situations very well by now!) 

Sarah is our great organizer, she gets it from her Nonna, so we are enlisting her help to move rooms around before she leaves for college. Once she goes then everyone except Caleb and Jackson will have their own room. They love sharing a room together- it is too sweet, so everyone will be happy. 

In happier news, we think we soon may have a solution to our 6+ years long water problems at the house. We are on city water, but we have 2 tanks that store the water so when the city water is turned off every day for several hours in theory we should still have water.  But it has never been consistent. So this week we just had a booster pump installed for the tank that feeds into the house, so that when the pressure is so low it still “boosts” it into the tank and into our bathrooms. The last 2 days the water has been there every time we have turned it on and it is coming out with a lot of pressure rather than a drip and drizzle. That in itself is exciting. But what we are still waiting for now is the HOT water tank to be functioning properly... and then we will be soooo happy (and there will be far less tears and curses coming from the shower) !  

  

Patience. Ugh. 

There it is again. 

There is a Bemba saying 

Panono panono.  

“Little by little”

So, we are half way through the year and we are making it, Panono panono. 

They know...

My hats off to all the working "outside the home” moms out there! Its a tough one isn’t it?

Some do it because they want to and others because they have to, but at the end of the day its still challenging. We are all trying to be the best moms that we can and see that our kids feel loved, cared for, appreciated, important and the priority of our lives. Maybe some nights our kids eat cereal for dinner, or they go to school in a wrinkly uniform, or heaven forbid their hair has not been brushed out that day or even for a few days, but they are happy. And you can see that they are loved and cared for. That is the end goal. 

Loved children. 

I had a crazy busy day Friday. I had to be at the school for a sports day function for Grace. 

I managed my schedule to the very minute for the entire day. 

I rushed from dropping them off at school at 7:15, to the gym, to home to get ready, stopped by work for 10 minutes to make sure the day started ok, had them conveniently make me a mmEGGn bacon and a tea to go, got to the school stood on the sidelines of the field with about 75 other parents in the cold wind finishing my breakfast feeling like a soccer mom at that point! I enjoyed seeing Grace’s face light up when she saw me there and then chatted with her while she and her class were waiting for her events. My heart smiled as I saw Ian during his break time go over to see her and she gave him the biggest, jump into his arms as he picks me up hug. It was like the best-est big brother scene ever from the movies...I coordinated with him if he could be there to watch her event later in the morning as I had to then rush for a big meeting with the main grocery store in Zambia but not before stopping home to change into appropriate “office wear”. 

I got to the meeting and he was late. I was frustrated because I knew I was on a time limit. He walked in about 15-20 minutes later and said something about my vehicle being in the wrong parking spot and they were going to clamp it. Well nice to see you too...I asked if I should go move it and then he said no, you will only be here a few minutes.  (Kind of sounds like bad news). He asked if I had a price listing with me and I didn’t. As I was rushing to the meeting I figured its better to be on time and then email him the needed info later than to be late and have him waiting on me. Thankfully as soon as we sat down the meeting went very well and we could have a significant amount of business from them (Shoprite) as well in the near future.He was interested in several other products and not just the chips and salsa that I had come for.  When we finished the meeting I bolted out of the door hoping not to find my vehicle clamped as I did in town a few weeks ago because I very stupidly listened to the street vendor who told me, “here park behind these parked cars here because they wont be coming out”... lunch hour, only to come back 30 minutes later with a car owner waiting for me and my vehicle clamped, and the city council representative clearly unaware that this woman was about to go off!, as a street guy opened my locked trunk of the car looking to steal something as I was standing in the front of the car. He then ran away. Meanwhile the guy that “helped me park” and wasn’t there to keep my car from being clamped shows up at the window expecting to be paid. Are you kidding me? you told me to park here, Im getting fined literally at this very moment and you are asking Me for money?!

                                      AHH  town, I hate you, you cursed place! 

BUT,  thankfully this was not the case Friday. So I jumped in, sped out of the parking lot and headed back to the school. We live a 2 minutes drive from the school. So I came to the T in the road and made a split second decision, NOT to run home and change back into the soccer mom clothes. I made a bee line for the school.  Now usually these school functions, in the way that they do them here are about 30% adorable and isn’t this so cool we live in Africa and this is how they do it here, and 70% down right frustrating. The agonizingly long speeches and waiting for guests of honor to arrive and delayed starting times, and delayed ending times and disorganization and delayed starting times and delayed ending times...I could go on and on, as it seems the functions do... BUT, this one was different. I hopped out of the car, found Ian who gave me the report that he had seen her first event, the kitchen party race, and she did well and as soon as I arrived I saw her walking up with her group to do the running relay race. P-E-R-F-E-C-T timing!!  That was totally the Lord’s blessing. I then saw her run and beat  her opponents and her group won the relay, and I was there at the finish line. Then I was there for the rest of her events.  We finished there at the school, I stopped by work, tried to fix a problem that has arisen with the equipment, rushed the kids home to change clothes grab a sandwich for the drive in the car to meet their friends from youth group at the Finding Dory movie. Got there just in time, and then was able to enjoy the movie with the kids. Traffic on that side of town on a friday is horrendous. SO as soon as the movie was over we hurried to the car so we could drop the older kids at youth group, then get back across town to get home before the maid leaves at 5 and before the traffic comes to a stand still. The dryer repairman called on the way and he was waiting for the 5th time trying to fix our dryer at the house. I dropped the kids, checked on him not just on the progress of the dryer but he is TERRIFIED of the dogs. He will not come in unless we lock them up. SO he was ok, doing his thing and so I then went back over to the Cakery to check on things as they were closing.Our main piece of equipment for the tortilla chips is not working properly and so we have delayed with orders all week. I was hoping to find good news when I arrived, but the power had gone off for the afternoon. By the time I got back with leftover dinner from the new lunch menu that we started at work (so technically it would be leftover lunch for our dinner) I set it on the counter  told everyone make their own and went and got my pjs on and collapsed on the couch. James came home about 30 minutes later and made a lovely fire that we enjoyed with the 3 younger kids. 

I think my highlight from the day was at the school as I saw Grace walk up to the rope, she saw me again and started waving with a huge smile. I had made it. I was there. That’s what she needs, to know we are there. That’s what all our kids need. And not every time can we be there, and thats ok, and I’ve got to be OK with that. That’s the balance of teaching your kids that you are there for them at the same time teaching them that the world does not revolve around them.  A good dose of Life. But the pattern and the expectation is Mom will be there.  And Just as I remember getting home from school even in high school and mom was waiting for me with a snack sometimes to ask about my day, I try  to be there for my kids when they get home Even if it’s a snack at the cakery on the way home because I have to stop in, or the chatting about the day on the way home from school as I drop them at home while I run back out to the grocery store or to drive off to piano lessons. 

We are doing what we can. I loved staying home with my kids for 17 years. I wouldn’t trade that or miss that for anything! It was HARD work. And it WAS work. But, Now I am working outside the home as well and even though I am making my own schedule and the kids are in school, its different. It is HARD WORK. Stress, and tired, but its good. Hopefully its not an indefinite thing, and when things settle down a bit I can be mostly part time, or quarter time but either way I need to keep my focus that the end goal is for my kids to know they are loved. And that is what our kids will remember, so at the end of the day when I’m worn out and worried if I am being as good of a mom as I used to be, if I remembered to do all the “mom” mom things today, I can tuck them in at night -because Thank God they all still don’t mind me coming round to say good night- and know that without a doubt these kids know they are loved!  

2015!

Grace is talking to herself and singing as she does while playing with playdough on the porch, Sarah and Emma are in the kitchen baking and the boys are working with James on a lego star wars x wing fighter...or something like that! 

I am taking a breath. This year has been one full of blessings and challenges. As life seems to be anyway. It reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium, which we just watched (again!) with the kids on the holiday break. The character played by Dustin Hoffman speaks of life being a series of breaths, beautiful and full. 

Sometimes the breaths I take seem to be in a panic of gasping for air, waiting for the next thing to happen or be thrown at me in this life. But slow steady breathing, relaxing breathing are what make us get through life a bit easier. 

2015!

At this point of the year as I look back I can just say, we made it! We got through the year. We are all still alive and in one piece, and the Lord has helped us and carried us through! 

The year started out with a great blessing of James and I being able to celebrate our 20th Anniversary.  We had a party with some friends and then took a week long trip to the Seychelles.  We had the best time we have ever had. It was absolutely beautiful and so peaceful and relaxing. We thank God for drawing us more and more together in love than we were when we married. We also were so grateful for the opportunity and for air miles saved to fly us over to that little piece of heaven on earth.  (And now we just HAVE to go back there some day!) 

Running our own businesses this year has been very challenging. MacSpeedy’s has grown so much in just 1 year. Last year James and I started a little competition whoever could reach 20,000 Kwacha in sales from our own business first could chose our Anniversary destination. The Cakery won. Now we look at MacSpeedy’s and in just a year they were around 300,000 Kwacha in sales. James has done an amazing job and I am so proud of him!   The Cakery continues to have a lot of potential and in the last few months we have gotten our tortilla chips into 10 different supermarkets in Zambia. (4 of them are in the Copperbelt) The fact that both of us still have companies and staff that we employ is a huge accomplishment in the face of Zambia’s unstable economy...We just have to keep telling ourselves that when it can be very discouraging. The older kids have been able to help out with the Cakery and that has been good for me and for them to be part of the family business. 

In the early summer the power outages become worse and worse. The problems were and are not able to be solved with a quick fix. The dollar went from about 6 or 7 kwacha to 13 kwacha at one point before “stabilizing” ( relative word) at 11 kwacha for the past few weeks. Many businesses closed down and people started to panic a bit. We had fuel shortages a few times this year as well as a gas crisis. Everyone was scrambling to get gas for cooking so that the gas companies couldn’t keep up with the demand. 

Thankfully when you really look at life, there is a whole lot you can live without and do without if put in that situation. Not that it is easy by any means, but it is doable. 

Our kids have faired well in this newer “storm” of life. They have had a good year and done well in school.  When we first started the year I was homeschooling Jackson and Caleb. They did fine with it but by September we were ready to put them back into a different Zambian school that some of the other kids were going to. I just simply did not have the energy or time to homeschool them in light of other responsibilities and truth be told, I am SO done with homeschooling. Baking together, reading books together, playing games, hanging out outside, those are the things I enjoy about the kids being at home, but that has nothing to do with school. 

Somewhere mid year, Emma asked to come back home for school. So she and Sarah are the current ones at home doing their school via DVD programs and correspondence. They are doing well with it and also helping out when needed in the Cakery. 

In July, Sarah and I went back to the States for a family visit. We also checked out a few schools that she was looking at. It was great to see our families. We will be bringing Sarah back in August to start College. She is waiting to hear on Scholarships from University of Kentucky as well as Vanderbilt before deciding on which school. Those are her top 2. She was accepted into Auburn, Samford and University of Alabama and given partial scholarships at those schools as well. She did amazingly well on her ACT,  a 33 and so we are very thankful her hard work is paying off! 

She has had several friends move away this past year and another dear friend, her closest one here in Zambia leaves for school in Mauritius in a couple of weeks. 

Sarah turned 18 and is now referred to as an adult in the house, meaning she can do pretty much what she wants. This is not so cool to all the other kids!  I try not to get too emotional yet over thinking about her leaving to move across the world and start her own life. She is such a blessing and joy to our family, it will definitely be a time of adjusting next year. 

Ian and Sarah both started piano lessons this year.  Sarah had a few recitals this school term and is looking forward to using her christmas gift of popular songs from Musicals. She really likes Musicals, the Sound of Music being her favorite. 

It was Ian’s first time to play and he is doing well, despite the “babyish” nature of the songs he is playing. :) He is also doing well in school, enjoying his friendships there and is developing his writing skills in his free time. He really has talent for writing and I am eager to see that develop. Last year while I was needing an office at home, Ian shared a room with the 2 other boys and I think I can say over a thousand hours were spent in Lego mania on the floor in their room. He is still so easy going which is a great blessing in this family!  He also has been helping work at the Cakery as well. In the new year he will be working there for about an hour before school and after school. It has been good to see him maturing in responsibility and developing into a fine young man at 16 years old.

Emma (14 now)  continues to sing and dance her way around the house. Literally. Probably the highlight of her year was helping pass out programs and being involved in the fundraiser aspect of a show put on here in Lusaka by the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland. She loved it and still talks about it. They will be coming again this year and Emma is hoping to be involved in it even more. It seems to have given her a taste of the “Arts” and I think she is hooked. She continues to be a help with the kids at home and especially our friends babies at church. Our friend Julie runs a baby home and she will often bring the babies to church and both Emma and Grace (and myself) are all to eager to snatch them away as she walks in the door.  She has been very adaptable to different school and home situations and seems to be doing well now at home again. I would think being the only white girl in your school, while coming into the teenage years in this culture we live in ‘could’ be a bit too much!  She is helping more in the kitchen and with dinner prep on some nights too. 

Caleb (11) is starting a rabbit breeding venture. He got a rabbit a few months ago and then its mate disappeared in the yard or was taken out by some other animal. (not sure on that one) So for christmas he just got another female rabbit yesterday so we will see if this is successful. He is very responsible and good with animals and continues to be an outdoor and nature loving kid. He is a conservationist at heart as well and talks about when he has his own home it will be solar powered and self sustaining... He won’t eat foods with GMO’s and will search the labels of boxes at home. He’s not at all “in your face” about it, he just learned about it in science at home so he will quietly pass over the occasional Doritos.  He is also very much opposed to the idea of us running our generator for any other reasons than keeping the refrigerator running, and is often the one telling everyone else in the family they should get off their devices...This kid is on to something! :)

Jackson (9) got fish for his birthday this year and is doing well keeping them all fed and not becoming attached to them so that when they die because of whatever reason or the power goes for days and the pump doesn’t work and they end up dying, he takes it in stride.  He still loves to eat and his questions everyday mostly revolve around whats for breakfast or dinner, etc...He is still very wiry, growing tall and skinny. He likes to help me in the kitchen and says that he would like to be a chef when he grows up. He has developed a comic streak to him and enjoys making up jokes and having people laugh and occasionally performing for the family in a comedy show. He has done well at his new school, and along with Caleb participated in the swimming “gala” as they call it here. (Swim meet).  He and Caleb swim at home pretty much every day that they are able. It makes me happy and reminds me of the hours in my own pool at home growing up in Florida. 

Grace is finally growing! At 7 years old she seems to have hit a growth spurt and now is outgrowing shoes and clothes that she had previously been wearing for a year or two. She really enjoys her school. Though I think she often has conflicted feelings about her family. A new school meant new explanations to every one that asks, “Is that your mom Grace?”  “But, she’s white?”   Some days she doesn't even want to acknowledge us when we pick her up from school, myself or when Ian gets her to walk home she will ignore him until they are outside the school grounds. Other days she is hoping I had time for a shower after working out, because she wants to “show off” her mom to her friends and have me walk her to her classroom. Moms here don’t do the whole sweats/yoga pants school drop offs! 

Many times, it is emotionally wearying to understand all that is going on and how to deal with it properly. 

She LOVES babies and other little kids, and is VERY empathetic to anyone sad or having a hard time. She is still an early riser and a talker from the get go at 5:30 in the morning. My favorite christmas present for her this year was an alarm clock that has a separate sleep and play light that comes on. SO if the light is still on the girls sleeping, then in theory she is to stay in her bed.  She was in a program at her school and does enjoy the spotlight...like, ALOT. 

She is my Pick n Pay buddy. Most quick trips to the grocery store are just for Grace and I. She likes us having our special thing we do together. 

James and I are trying to put more and more margin into our lives. It is a work in progress. I am continuing on with the HOPE Kabanana work, though this last quarter I had even less time to devote to it. We had the kids come to the house for a swim day and that was great fun as usual. James continues to preach 3 out of the 4 sundays at our church and has been asked to help in other ways there this year as well.  As we look at the new year, I am hopefully going to be trying to back away “a bit” on my hours and time at the Cakery to something that is more manageable in raising a family. I enjoy the work, but it IS stressful many times, AND given the choice between being at home more, and not just physically, but “really there”, and working more, I don’t want to lose sight of what is truly on my heart, - which is to be there for my kids. This working outside the home mom thing is a challenge. Especially with a big family. And with living in a 3rd world country. Seems like doing anything even after 6 years now, just takes SO MUCH energy!  We look forward to 2016 being a year of finding more balance, and margin and joy in our daily lives. The Lord knows we need it and it’s a good desire to have so I anticipate that prayer being answered. 

Thanks for reading this “blog/letter”. 

I just started writing, not really knowing if this was going to be a family update letter or a blog. 

But its been a few years since I’ve sent out any letter, so here you have it!

May the Lord bless you this year, in 2016.