I think the
hardest thing about losing mom, is she’s just not there. Not there for the
random call or text message asking any and every question. Or sending a quick
picture or a funny meme. Not there to pray over the phone with me or to be that
listening ear that she always was. Not be there to call on the phone and just
start crying when I hear her voice, and for her to say its ok to cry…crying is
ok.
As a child
she was always there in front of me, MY whole world. I would always run to her,
whether to show my new toy, a new trick on the swing, a tooth falling out, my A
on a school project. She made birthdays fun and special and ended each one with
“was it an ok birthday Meg?”. She was the reason my main goal in life was to be
a mom.
As I got
older, she was no longer front and center but more in the background as I tried
to figure out independence. But she was always still there for advice and guidance.
As I became
a mother, she moved out of the background and came to my side. Where I needed
her help to know how to raise a baby, where I was now doing the things I had
seen her do throughout my life. In the little stuff – looking for the family
recipe, and in the big stuff, like traveling to see me every time I had a new
baby.
Over these
last 4 years as she got and then fought cancer, she moved back to front and
center in my life. I wanted her to know I was here to try and meet any need she
had, to make sure she knew how much I loved her!
Mom had the gift
of serving. Especially when it came to her family and friends. She knew
their favorite food, blanket, or tv show and she would prepare it when they
came to visit or send it in a care package. Getting a package from mom was not
just some items thrown in a box and sent off to college, Kentucky, Montana or
Africa. It was LOVE in a box, felt from thousands of miles away, like a big
warm hug. Mom liked to say, love is an
ACTION word and she expressed her love in these ways. It started with little
notes in my lunchbox at school and I remember feeling so proud that my Mom
showed love to me this way. Later, as the packages would come across the world,
it became a game at times of how many things she could fit in that box. When it
arrived, you opened it and there was something in every nook and cranny.
Mom was a
hugger. When the kids were little she started giving them squeeze hugs.
Where she would hold them tight in a hug and say “squeeeeeeeze” and gently rock
them back and forth in the hug. It became something they looked forward to and
talked about and imitated. It’s what made me a hugger. So that in our home every
kid is hugged at least twice a day…a good morning and goodnight hug. One of her
favorite books to read the kids was the Hug book, and later the companion book
the book of kisses in which she crossed out the grandma kisses in the book and
wrote “Nonna kisses”.
Mom was thoughtful
and kind. She would keep track of special days in people’s lives and send
cards or notes of encouragement. Birthdays, Anniversaries, but also days of
people’s sadness, reaching out to make sure no one felt alone.
I never saw
her get upset at a worker or sales clerk, or get irritated in traffic (the way
I can) or in general be impatient with the pace of people in her life.
She taught
me the patience song, which I often needed as a child and still need today. When
I was home last time we sang it together. The one from Herbert the snail 😊 “Have patience, have patience…don’t be in such a hurry”.
Mom was a
good listener. To my constant chatter when I was a kid, to funny stories
about my own kids. Whenever anything was on my heart or bothering me, I knew I
could call her. Even after I moved overseas, she kept in touch, always wanting
to know how I was doing. It was especially sweet with her sticky notes above
her desk with the Zambian timezone, and later added DC and Berea.
One of my
favorite childhood memories is coming home from school and mom having made me a
snack, homemade cookies or Rice Krispy treats. We would sit at the counter
talking about my day at school. It was and still is, one of the most comforting
memories I have.
I acquired
my love of baking from mom and will always cherish the times in the kitchen
together and my inherited “sweet tooth” and love of ice cream.
Mom was
involved in many Newcomers groups, book clubs, Knitting groups but most importantly
what I remember was her bible studies. Some days I would come home from school
and see her bible and notebook laid out on the table next to her chair where
she had been studying her lessons to teach her group. Especially when she was
in the days of BSF. As a child that was a great example to me to have a mom who
read God’s word and who prayed. When I was little I remember her with a cup of
tea in her hand in her pink terrycloth long robe sitting down with her bible
and her prayer list. To have seen her now at the end, still praying for her
family and friends and still loving God and trusting Jesus…that was a testimony
in itself.
She has
fought the good fight. She has held fast to the end, to Christ, her hope. That
is HER Whole World now. She is in that beautiful place that we can’t comprehend,
that seems so far off and so unlike anything in our world. Where there is no
more darkness and sadness and tears. Only light, peace and joy.
